I accidentally had phone sex last night
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
