Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
