Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
