He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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