Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
