you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
