We won't sleep together?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize