we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
