i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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