just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
