i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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