Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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