dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
