how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry about my life...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
