Non-Jews are for practice
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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