I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
one two three fourrrrnication!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize