He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
