remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
