She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
