Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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