Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
