The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
