do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
