At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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