Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
