is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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