We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
