After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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