so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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