my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
