So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
