Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
