So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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