So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
