fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
