Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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