I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
