I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
one might say we're banned from that church
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
