It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize