i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
