I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were trust falling into bushes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
