Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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