Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You ate ashes out of my bong
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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