goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
