Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
