i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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