did you get engaged???
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
