No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
