I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
