Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
