my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
