He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
