My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
