just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
