yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
