my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
