lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
