how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize