I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
