This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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