Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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