Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
