I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize