If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
