You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
