Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
