ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
